Self-Friendship vs. Self-Absorption: To Bloom, Not Brood
At the heart of the "Superbloom" path is the practice of deep self-friendship. This means relating to yourself with the same compassion, belief, and care that you would a cherished bestie - you know, the kind of friend who will ditch diets with you over a jumbo pizza after a bad breakup.
However, there can sometimes be confusion between self-friendship and self-absorption. The latter often masquerades as self-love, but is really its toxic shadow twin (the Regina George to self-love's Cady Heron, if you will).
Self-absorption stems from a place of insecurity, neediness, and lack. It's an obsessive focus on one's own thoughts, feelings, and perceived flaws to the point of self-centered self-negation. Someone who is self-absorbed uses up incredible energy perseverating on their imperfections, wallowing in shame and negativity about themselves. Talk about a draining pity party!
Self-friendship, on the other hand, comes from an unshakeable sense of inherent self-worth. It's about having a kind, loving internal voice that reminds you of your strengths, beauty, and courage - even during life's inevitable rough patches. Kinda like a perpetual, Inner Bestie Hype Squad.
Unlike self-absorption, true self-friendship doesn't drain your vitality. Rather, it allows your energy to flow and bloom outward like a lush, vibrant garden (that you actually have time to tend because you're not busy weeding out negative thoughts all day).
You see, when you fill yourself up with compassion and self-celebration, you naturally overflow with love and generosity towards others. It's like wearing an amazing perfume - the fragrance extends well beyond you. You feel courageous enough to hold space for other perspectives without taking things personally. You build emotional stamina and an expansive heart that could fit all the luxurious throw pillows from Anthropologie.
In contrast, the self-absorbed person has little fuel left to truly see, understand or empathize with anyone else. Their mind is a constant battlefield of negative thoughts, leaving them depleted, resentful, and closed off - the human equivalent of the Grinch before his heart grew three sizes.
At its core, self-friendship is the practice of defining and upholding your personal boundaries - but from a place of self-acceptance, not self-rejection. It's setting limits like, "No thanks, I'll pass on that freakshake - I'm sweet enough already!"
With strong personal boundaries in place, you can powerfully take ownership over your life without blaming or shaming others. You have the grounded confidence and integrity to respectfully speak your truth, while making space for different viewpoints. No need to be a self-absorbed conversation hog!
Those who master self-friendship also recognize that our human experiences ultimately ebb and flow through various "seasons" - a chaotic Windy City spring one moment, and a serene, sunny SoCal vibe the next. We don't wallow too long when the skies are stormy. Instead, we ride the rhythms with resilience, knowing the sunshine and triple-scoop ice cream cones will soon return.
In this way, the self-absorbed person broods and remains stuck in a perpetual winter, while the self-friend blooms by embracing all cycles of life with wisdom and grace (plus chunky sweaters for the cozy vibes).
So if you notice yourself slipping into periods of rumination, self-judgment or that all-too-familiar suffocating energy of self-absorption, it's a cue to pause and put on your bestie hat. Reconnect to your self-friendship practices and shower yourself with the love and spaciousness you'd offer your BFF after her botched attempt at box hair dye.
Because from that sacred place of self-intimacy, you'll feel grounded in your worth. You'll radiate a compassionate presence that allows genuine emotional freedom and connection with others. Most importantly, you'll unfurl into the fullest, most vibrant expression of your true self - the botanical garden Monet-level bloom we all aspire to!
If you find yourself withering on the vine, grab your self-friendship tools, leave the brooding behind, and let's Superbloom together!
